CHAPTER FOUR: I Could Be Playing Mass Effect

Alright, I know I haven’t played my game in a while, but who the hell is this skinny bald chick?

EUGH! She looks like the crypt keeper!

Wait a minute. Judy? Is that you?

JUDY: Yep! It’s me, errrrrrg!

Oh, nevermind. I can tell now. God, you gained that weight back faster than Jake Gyllenhaal and Taylor Swift broke up.

JUDY: It’s not my fault!  It’s the cake! It’s addicted to meeee.

Anyway, Judy aged up, and was fat again, and I didn’t throw her a party because I don’t have any money and I don’t particularly care about birthdays at all.

JUDY:    ):


Speaking of birthdays, Zooey aged up.

ZOOEY: But –

Oh right. You haven’t been formally introduced yet. Sue me, babies are boring.

This is Zooey Jenkins. She’s got Thor’s colouring, obviously, which I take to be an ominous sign since Thor is the attractive one.  She loves hip hop, goopy carbonara, and the colour green, and she rolled Perceptive and Athletic.  Should be interesting, but I’m already getting the feeling she’s the spare.  We’ll still be doing a vote though, I think, for the most unattractive perspective heir.

ZOOEY:  Rude.  😦

Anyway, back to the story.

Judy’s first act as an elder is to immediately lapse into senility.

She peed on the floor within an hour of her birthday just because she refused to put Zordon down and go to the bathroom. And, no lie, she’s wet herself approximately twelve times since then. The woman is NOT a good elder.

And then Zordon had his birthday, which I suppose explains why Judy wouldn’t leave him, but damn, how family-oriented do you have to be to pee the floor so that you don’t miss the exact moment your son ages into a child?



What the fuck is up with your hair?

God, Thor is going to shit his pants when he realizes his son is a female.

Okay, I know I promised I wouldn’t CAS anybody, but holy shit, did you see that hair? Besides, Zordon is much more unattractive now. I’m feeling much better about the fact that this is an uglacy now that Zordon has aged into a completely hideous child.

And he’s too absent-minded to realize I’m insulting the shit out of him.  What a dumb fuck.

Oh, PS, I had Judy and Thor do portraits of each other. YAY LEGACY POINTS.

Absent-minded what?

Zordon has to sleep in his parents’ bed when they aren’t in it, because the Jenkins family is too broke to afford a bed, and I’m too mean to sell one of their now-useless cribs.  DEAL WITH ITTT ARRRRG I AM DRUNK WITH POWER.

Oh.  Oh, god, Judy, that is one fucking ugly outfit.  That’s it, I’m sick of your fat ass, go work it off.

That’s right.  You were skinny for twelve whole hours, you can be skinny again!  Pump that iron, work that bitch!

And while Judy’s working out, Thor gets to go collect his Sims Choice award.

PAPARAZZI:  Aw, yeah, Thor Jenkins is coming out of his house!  This is the luckiest day of my life!

THOR:  Uh.  Can you get off my lawn now?  kthnx

ZORDON:  *wibble* Where’s Daddy?  This homework is too hard, and if I fail out of school I won’t be a good heir, and then the whole legacy will be bad news bears.

Don’t worry, fugly.  He’ll be home as soon as he gets his award.

Oh fuck.  He’s in the background of this picture.

Thor!  Where’s your award?

*Cue: angels’ chorus*

Maybe this award will get Thor a raise.  God knows he could use it.  Look at his house!

House:  *is unfinished*

You may be able to tell that I started making Zooey and Zordon their own bedrooms.  Unfortunately that didn’t get very far.  Zordon will have to keep napping on the couch for a while, since Judy and Thor are both off for their weekends and aren’t getting paid.

Christ.  There are so many things wrong with this picture.

JUDY:  Tra la la, makin the bed in my bikini.

Judy.  Why is your underwear a bathing suit?  And why can I see half your ass cheeks?

And wait a minute. Why are you waking up skinny?!  I swear to god you went to bed a lardass like normal.

JUDY:  Awwww yeeeeeah

God.  Now I know where Lisa gets her butterface.

And jezuss, would you look at that rack?

JUDY:  Thor says it’s my best feature.

I just threw up in my mouth.

And to end this chapter, the newly-planted life fruit I found in Judy’s inventory.  God knows where she got it, and I know she can’t use it, but I’m planting that shit anyway.

Next update:  Zooey’s birthday!  Maybe she’ll be a surprise uggo like her brother!  And maybe Zordon will age up too.  Probably.  Hooray!

<—- Chapter Three Chapter Five —->

    • scarletsimphony
    • January 7th, 2011

    Omg nightmares. Judy should be in a horror movie.

  1. Scary bikini. SCARY BIKINI D:

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