CHAPTER FIVE: You Ain’t Got No Alibi

So now that we have another generation that’s old enough to skill build, I’ve set Zordon the task of upping his Painting Skill.  He’s not doing too bad so far.  I think we got $80 for this one.  I might have to slave-drive him into painting day and night so that we can afford to finish the house while Mom and Dad are off on their weekends.

Thor, the gentleman that he is, has taken up the unpleasant job of sleeping on the sofa so that his wife and son can sleep in the only bed.  Besides, Judy and Zordon have to get up at roughly the same time for school and work, and Thor doesn’t start his slacker job until noon.

Aww, what’s the matter Zooey?  Are you upset because nobody pays attention to you and you’ve had three whole shots in this legacy and you’re already a toddler?

ZOOEY:  Nooooo!  I’M SMELLYYYYYYYYYYYY.

It took like six hours for someone to get up the motivation to change her diaper.  Judy’s the only one who actually likes her.  Thor wanted another boy.

Hey, Zordon, that one’s actually pretty interesting.  I’m impressed!  And we’ll get 95 whole simoleons for that!  Maybe you’re not such a dumb fuck after all.

Then again, you are painting a portrait of a bouncing cat.  Who would actually buy that for $95?

Zordon’s painting allows me to pay for the cake for Thor’s birthday party though.  He’s aging into an adult today yaaaay.

The party is a big frickin’ deal.  The whole town shows up and I only invited half of them.

I did, however, invite my own simself, who, as you can see here, is awesome.  In the background, we have tubby!Zordon, Barack Obama, one of the Bunch kids, MSUCalli and ScarletSimphony’s pregnant teenage daughter Sierra.

That’s Starla there, who’s also pregnant.  This is like that shitty Steve Martin movie.  I suppose I should be happy Ethan Bunch is the one chatting up Sierra, because he’s married.  We wouldn’t want his good looks infecting any of my friends’ simselves, because then they wouldn’t have ugly offspring I can stick in my legacy.

Blow out your candles, Thor!

THOR:  Om nom nom cake for meeee.

Uhhh..  Yeeeeeah, we’ll be visiting CAS, Thor, don’t you worry.

God I suck at keeping promises, don’t I?  BUT HE DOESN’T LOOK RIGHT WITH GIRL HAIR WTF.

Doesn’t he look like he’s ready to run into traffic?

Okay, that’s it, he aged up, party’s over, everybody get the fuck out.

This is Zordon right now:  “Awww yeah, I’m a genius!  This was such a good idea!  Everyone will pay $13 for my shitty blueberry muffins!”

ZORDON:  >=|

ZOOEY:  Bawwwwww it’s my birthday and no one will pay attention to me bawwwwwwww

Maybe if you weren’t always flipping your shit about something I’d take more pictures of you.  God you are such a brat, why can’t you be too dumb to string a sentence together, like your brother?

ZOOEY:  Aw yeah, I’m gonna look so hot like my daddy all the boys will want me.

Hmm.  Somebody get the girl a mirror?

ZOOEY:  How do I look?

Actually, you look kind of like your brother before I CASed his hair.

ZOOEY:  >=|

The game gave her Eco-Friendly as her next trait, by the way.

So I decided that since Judy can’t decide whether she wants to be skinny or fat, I’d take her to get a makeover, because I kind of hate her outfit and I need a reason to like her.

JUDY:  But the fur on my coat keeps me warm in the winter that doesn’t exist!  And my ex-husband bought me this coat!

Now, I have to be honest here.  I feel kind of bad for Jack Bunch.  His wife of, like, a thousand years left him for a much younger guy, so he had to finish raising his 4 teenagers, and now two of them are married (Ethan to Jamie Jolina and Lisa to Michael Bachelor – see the About Town section for details), and he’s going to be left all alone with no one to love him because Story Progression hasn’t found him a new wife.  And it’s all because his wife is so fucking ugly.

Speaking of ugly…

JUDY:  Allll riiiight, I look so fine!

You look like my grandma.  Although I suppose that’s appropriate.

Oh, by the way, here’s an update on their house construction.  I decided to make the kids share a room so I can use that extra room for the heir.  I’ll build the spare a room maybe someday if I have enough money.  I’m still not quite sure how I’m going to handle all this.

Meanwhile, Zordon’s muffin stand isn’t going well, and Thor’s trying to give him a business lesson.

THOR:  You’d sell more things if you were attractive, like me.

ZORDON:  But I can’t help how I look!

THOR:  You’re fat like your momma.  You could work that off.  She was skinny one time, remember?

Wait a minute.  Thor, what the fuck are you wearing?

THOR:  This is my costume for the soap opera I’m starring in.  I’m a doctor, like that guy on Friends, but I’m not stupid so I won’t get pushed down an elevator.

What the fuck, why is your coat black on the back side, Thor?

ZORDON:  HEY LOOK BIRTHDAY

Oh right.  But, seriously, what the fuck?

Holy fucking shit, the kid is cross-eyed.  UGLACY JACKPOT.

God damn, he’s emo too.

He rolled Unlucky, btw.

THOR:  Oh, hey!  Now that your eyes have straightened out, you’re not as ugly as I thought you’d be!

Goddamnit.  Just my fucking luck.  Maybe I’ll get lucky and Zooey will age up into a disgusting bag.

Until next time!

 

 

<— Chapter Four Chapter Six —>

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  1. Hah, birthdays. And poor Thor, men should not have long hair and bangs. Ever.

    As for Jack Bunch, I’m never really sorry for him. In my Sunset town, he left Judy like, a week after I started the game, and all their sons and one daughter became gay with Michael Bachelor, the Goth boy, and some black chick. Judy remained fat.

    • Meghan
    • January 9th, 2011

    Oh my gosh, best thing I’ve read since It’s a legacy, darling! Thought I’d never get a really fantastic legacy read untill now. Keep going- I’m begging you!

    • amujune
    • May 27th, 2011

    Where did you get your teenage pregnancy mod from? Btw, FANTASTIC story so far! I can’t stop reading! lol I know what I’ll be doing all night while I wait for my holiday! x

  2. Damn! Zordon is impressively ugly! I love the Jenkins so far-this is a great read. (:

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