CHAPTER THIRTEEN: Failblog

Huh.  I’ve never had anybody get a reprieve from the Grim Reaper before.  I guess it’s sweet that Finn gets one just for Helen.  You know, he was married to Agnes Crumplebottom, and then she died, and then he started dating Helen Jolina, one of Jamie Jolina’s illegitimate twin girls with Hank Goddard who is like HALF FINN’S AGE.  And they got married are having a baby.  And apparently Finn gets to live until the birth.  So yay for letting rich old men knock you up.

Now, I know.  I was gone forever.  I’m sorry about that.  A bunch of people started dying and then my boyfriend made me go to the Daytona 500 with him, and I have the cutest puppy in the world.  And now that pretty bitch Yasmin is inventing shit since she’s an eccentric and evil and a Renaissance Sim and I need the money to buy Zooey her stupid bar.

YASMIN:  I’m at ur work bench, ruinin’ ur uglacy

Fuck you.

ZOOEY:  I’m so happy that Wayne and I had such a beautiful, skinny daughter like you, Yasmin!

YASMIN:  Yeah, me too.  You know, maybe if you didn’t make cookies for dinner, the rest of the family would be hot like me.  I saw those pictures of you that time you were skinny, Mom.  You can do that again, you know.  If you get off your flabby ass and work out or something.

ZOOEY:  You know what?  You’re right.

YVONNE:  Yasmin, I think I have a better shot at being heir than you.

YASMIN:  Uh.

YVONNE:  And when I’m heir, I’m not going to use the stupid family cemetery out back.  I’m going to burn you all and put you in urns and keep you next to my bed.  =D

YASMIN:  Okay, no.  Listen, pipsqueak, I’m gonna be heir, and I’m gonna inherit all the monies, and there’s shit all you can do about it.

We hired a butler, too.  Doesn’t he look sophisticated?  It’s unfortunate that I can’t remember his name.

BUTLER GUY:  You may call me Jeeves, madam.

Damn skippy.

Really, there are only two reasons we hired him.  The first is because Zooey had a locked-in want for a live-in butler.

The second was because nobody else wanted to fix the computer.  I tried SO HARD, but these lazy assholes just wouldn’t do it.

GO JEEVES GO.

Aw, yay.  A shot of the whole happy little family.  Except for the baby that I forgot to tell you Zooey had.

But wait – where the hell is Thor?  Fuck, did he die and I forgot about it?!

<five minutes later>

Never mind, I checked the last chapter and there’s nothing in there about Thor dying.  He must be at work, or out nailing bitches or something.

Ugh, Yael is BORING.  Looks like Zordon.  Same hair cut even.  Fucking mushroom cuts, whoever started that fad needs to die in a fire.

And he rolled NEAT.  GOD YOU’RE BORING.

YAEL:  😦

Ah, yeah.  I think Yash is looking good for heir here.  He rolled Vehicle Enthusiast, which does nothing for me, but I don’t care as long as he’s ugly.

YASH:   Yash can has heirship?  HERP DERP

It’s distinctly possible, buddy.

And this cross-eyed little bugger is Yoshi.  I told you I hate sim babies.

YOSHI:  Facetimez?  I am so handsome.

Let’s hope not.  You got the goddamn Thor hair.  I hope you’re not a gorgeous bastard like your father.

YOSHI:  *snerk*

 

Oh, hey, Yvonne.  I didn’t know you could use a computer.  What are you doing?

YVONNE:  Checking out Twitter.  You wouldn’t believe what Charlie Sheen just tweeted.

I bet I would.

I just hope this doesn’t mean she rolls the lifetime want to Be a Bi-Winner.

Hey, check you out, Yoshi.  Where do you think you’re going?

YOSHI:  To have my birthday.  =D

Oh.  >_>

Oh.  Hm.

Dude, you look like an indian.

Yoshi here is the only one in gen 3 who doesn’t have Wayne’s eyes – he has Zooey’s/Thor’s.  Well at least that’s different.

Um… Yael?  What are you doing?

YAEL:  This garbage can said I look fat.

I… see…

YVONNE:  Yaaaay it’s my birthday.

I swear, next time there’s a birthday, I’m actually going to throw a party.

YVONNE:  UGH I aged up FAT – BLAAAARHGHEFGIUHG

>=[

But you’re still too pretty to be heir.  Bitch.  FUCK YOU.

Whatever, that’s it for this installment because I’m sick of uploading pictures of these not-ugly assholes.  But I have a bunch more pictures on my hard drive here, so another update should be forthcoming.

<—- Chapter Twelve

Chapter Fourteen —>

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  1. Yay! Update! And I like Yash, he looks like he’s going to be hideous.

    But how can you forget Thor?! He’s THOR! D:

    • I agree, right now Yash is looking good for heir. I have everyone up to teen except Yoshi at the moment, and I’ll probably post another chapter tonight.

      Don’t worry about Thor, he was just Sleeping Like a Star in his trailer this chapter. He’s lurking about in the next one.

  2. Haha loved the update.

    Yash: I be haz heir? Herp derp

    Lol xD

    Can’t wait for another one ^^

    • Thanks! There should be another one shortly. =D

      These kids are all stressing me out, they’re not revolting enough.

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