CHAPTER SEVEN: Til Death Do Us Part

Previously, on The Jenkins Uglacy:

ZORDON:  OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT

A fire has begun to ravage the Jenkins kitchen in the midst of our eldest Gen One’s birthday party.

Luckily, the guests are able to handle the fire with composure, and not pass out and have their crotches catch on fire.

Oh, wait.

I immediately set the whole family trying to put out the fire.  Finally a fireman showed up to help put out the fire, but the damage was already done:

So much for Zordon’s birthday.

ZORDON:  This is a shitty picture.

Fuck you.

With the fireman still there just to be on the safe side, I grabbed Zordon a new cake, much to the dismay of the family bank account, and decided I’d try this shit again.  I’m feeling a little bit paranoid now.  I think I have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.  I’m never going to be able to blow out candles on a cake again without flinching.

ZORDON:  I wish nobody dies this time!

 

ZORDON:  Hey, it worked!  I’m not dead!

 

ZORDON:  Ta da!

Holy shit.  I’m having flashbacks to Billy Madison.  O’Doyle rules!

ZORDON:  wat

Never mind.

By the way, for those of you playing the home game, he rolled Great Kisser.  That’s why he looks so fucking smug.  Asshole.

So the next day I sent him out immediately to City Hall to register as self-employed.  You’re going to be a goddamn nectar-maker whether you like it or not, you little shit.

ZORDON:  Actually, I do like it.  In case you didn’t notice, my lifetime want is to have a bottomless ne-

Fuck you, I know.

Anyway, no sooner had Zordon become a grape stomper than – BAM.

Judy was dead.

JUDY:  Excuse me?  Why am I incorporeal?

Because you’re a ghost, sweetie.  And kind of a chunky one at that.

GRIM:  ALL HAIL GRIM, KING OF THE UNDERWOOOOORLD.  *cough* ahem, what?  Where’s the dead lady?

She’s the fat grey one floating around.

GRIM:  Oh right.  We’ll be going then.

JUDY:  But –

Bye!

Poor Thor.  😦  He isn’t taking it well.

I’m sorry for your loss, sweetie.

 

THOR:  What?  I have something in my eye.  😦

Sure, bb. ❤

After Judy’s death, everybody tried to continue life as normal, but things just weren’t the same.  The Jenkins house felt empty without Judy bustling around doing laundry and making copious amounts of spaghetti.

Thor took over Judy’s gardening duties.  The garden was all he had left of her, and he was determined not to let it die too, even if it meant getting fertilizer under his fingernails.  He even tried to whistle while he worked, but he can’t really carry a tune, so that didn’t work out well.

One could argue that Thor also has his children to help him remember his wife, but… well…

ZOOEY:  You’re a terrible father and I wish you’d died instead of Mom!

D=  Zooey!  How dare you!

THOR:  You’re an ungrateful bitch.  And you’re fat!  How does someone with the Athletic trait grow up into such a whale?  Maybe you should drop 50lbs so you can move out and con some poor bastard into marrying you!

Holy jeezus.  I didn’t realize how much Judy really was the glue that held this family together.  😦  At least Thor still gets along with Zordon.  But I feel bad, because Zooey and Zordon barely talk.  She has no one in this house who really likes her.

Meh.  Maybe if she wasn’t such a bitch.

And there’s no good way to transition into this next picture, so I’m just going to rip off the bandaid.

ZOOEY:  Yaaaay, it’s my birthdaaaaay!

Hm.  Right.  I see the grief is really impeding everybody’s ability to celebrate.

ZOOEY:  Ta da!  I’m sexy!

Now, I know that, traditionally, those noisemaker things are supposed to be celebratory, but I choose to believe that Zordon blowing that thing at his sister is his way of saying BEEP BEEP, FATTY.

So, as kind of a birthday resolution, Zooey decides to take her father’s advice and start working on that athletic skill.

With a little help from her mom.

 

 

<– Chapter Six Chapter Eight —>

2011

01/24

CATEGORY

The Jenkins Uglacy

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grim reaper
judy
thor
zooey
zordon

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