CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE: Too Mainstream

Here rest Thor and Judy Jenkins, who finally have a founder spot in the Twinbrook cemetery, now owned by their daughter Zooey.  I like the water fountain, I think it’s a nice touch.  I hope I get one of those when I die.

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Now, you may recall last chapter when 3/4s of Gen Three turned into crazy midgets.  This chapter, our probable spare Xanthia seems to have aged into Young Adult for no apparent reason.  Seeing as how I’m not familiar enough with the issues associated with this game to fix it, I decided not to care and just sort of went with it.

But seriously, look at those boobs.

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ZOOEY:  Fuck yeah I am so jacked!  It must be the workout I get from painting all day.

Right.  You have flabby little old lady arms, Zooey.  Deal with it.

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XAVIER:  Uh, Xanthia?  What the hell happened to you?

Oh, don’t worry about that, man.  She’s just a young adult now, it’s not really a big de-

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Oh.

Huh.

Okay.

XANTHIA:  Falling in love with vampires was too mainstream.  So I became one.  IRONICALLY.

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ERICH:  Boogedy boogedy boogedy!

Uh.  I’m not sure it’s that bright to frighten your vampire daughter, buddy.

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YASH:  Hmm.  I wonder how many licks it takes to get to the centre of a Tootsie pop.

Yash?!  What the fuck, why are you old?  Your birthday wasn’t for another week or two.

Goddamnit, Generations.  I’m going to fuck your shit up.

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YASH:  I think I look quite dapper!

You know your husband is still a young adult?  … Just like your daughter?  What the fuck?!

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YASH:  Maybe if I invent an Age Regression Potion you’ll love me again!

Aw, Yash.  I still love you, even though you’re old as fuck.  You’re like Jack.

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XANDER:  Please please Dad don’t hate me I’m sorry I skipped school I’ll never do it again don’t hit me with the spoon  D=

ERICH:  *Marge Simpson hmmmm*

>___>   This is made so much more awkward by Erich’s package.  It’s trolling this apology.

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ERICH:  It’s okay.  I’ll still teach you how to drive, since you’re probably going to be heiress anyway.  But you have to promise not to kill anybody, especially me.

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XANDER:  Yes, sir!

Okay, why is she saluting him?  I didn’t even know she could do that.  I thought the only hidden trait this gen could have was Can Apprehend Burglars.

I’m side-eyeing Xander so hard right now.

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….

AW COME ON.  WHY DOES XANDER GET TO LEARN TO DRIVE IN THE WOO WOO 4000 AND I DON’T?!

I had to learn to drive in my mom’s shitty old Le Sabre.  ;___;

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Meanwhile…

COMPUTER: AHHHHHHHHHH!

Guh.  It’s like one of these –

>_> It looks like my boyfriend’s mother.

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Anyway, after driving lessons, Xander and Xavier got to go to Prom!  Xena didn’t go because she had to work and because Prom is too mainstream.

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And here’s how Xander felt about her brother’s coronation:

XANDER:  Prom king?  Too mainstream.

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YASH:  Arrrrgh, all my daughters are hipsters!

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I decided I’d better get a look at this Malia girl who was stealing Xavier’s heart, and lo and behold, here she is.

XAVIER:  Hey, Malia, I had such a great time humping your leg last night during Prom so I brought you flowers because I love you.

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JOVAN BAYLESS:  But – but – I was gonna hit that!

Dude.  No you weren’t.

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That’s all I have for now, so, until next time, here are some Prom pictures to tide you over!

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<— Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty-Two —>

2011

06/09

CATEGORY

The Jenkins Uglacy

TAGS

erich
jovan
malia
xander
xanthia
xavier
yash
zooey

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